Welcome to the Bad Movie of the Week. [See the Bad Movie Archive.] Back in Biloxi after winter break, it’s time to kick off the New Year by getting back on the job. This week is a double feature: A Bucket of Blood and Motel Hell.
Plot: Walter is a slow-witted, socially inept busboy at ‘The Yellow Door’, a café populated by Bohemian artists and beatniks. In a series of unfortunate accidents, he harms those around him — then discovers a talent for disguising his murders as brilliant artwork. Read on for the final rating and the review for “Motel Hell”:
Best quote: [Walter is trying to pass himself off as a Beatnik to the waitress] “Didn’t you see me wave my Zen stick?”
Most implausible moment: Um… so how did Walter get a body into his ceiling? And how did he punch a hole out of his wall so easily? How did a cat get in the wall in the first place? How does he subdue a carpenter who has easily 40 pounds on him?
‘Gratuitous Hotness’ bonus: 0 (out of 1 possible). No credit.
‘Gratuitous Violence’ bonus: ½ (out of 1 possible). Deserves some real style points for the creative and macabre way in which Walter covers up his murders in plain sight.
Final score: 3 (6 is worst). ‘Beatnik Horror’ is certainly a little-seen genre. With painful dialogue and bad acting, but also an amusing premise and some genuinely funny moments, this movie kept us entertained. At only 66 minutes long, it quits while it’s ahead.
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Plot: Farmer Vincent operates a roadside motel and smoked meat store in the middle of nowhere. He and his sister Ida ambush travelers and bury them neck-deep in their secret garden. Vincent spares a young woman, Terry, and convinces her that he’s harmless and that her boyfriend died in an accident. But his brother, a police officer, falls in love with Terry and begins to be suspicious of Vincent’s actions.
Best quote: Farmer Vincent: “I’m the biggest hypocrite of them all. My meats… I used preservatives.”
Most implausible moment: Farmer Vincent is insane, but at least there’s a logic to his actions, however twisted. The same cannot be said for Terry. She’s young, attractive, and her boyfriend was just killed in a car accident — so an entirely new theory of female behavior seems necessary to explain why she suddenly cheers up, decides not to leave the creepy motel where her boyfriend was killed, and subsequently tries to seduce the creepy old farmer who owns it.
‘Gratuitous Hotness’ bonus: ½ (out of 1 possible). There were points in the movie where it looked like Terry was going to die, and had she, I would probably have stopped watching.
‘Gratuitous Violence’ bonus: 1 (out of 1 possible). Think “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” but a lot sillier (Yes… there is a chainsaw fight).
Final score: 2 (6 is worst). Fun 80’s camp horror.